Fancy Food Fans T-Shirts

"I'll have the crescent-crab 'purses' and the smoked duck 'hash' – hold the quotation marks."

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

Counting ribs

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Benihana style of cooking.

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Important Food Groups

Kitchen Kapers

"Two burgers, two fries, two martinis—and we'll have those to go."

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

The Streets - Night

Would you be willing to sign something regarding the fat content of your burger? Like what? My colon.

"How sweet, your hand is trembling."

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

Burnt or Raw?

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

'I made your favorite for dinner — pterodactyl nuggets!'

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

This Year's Spa

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'

Acme Foods. Research and Development. Then it's an "no" on the Mexican Jumping Bean Dip?

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

The proper term for our special promotion is Triple Cheeseburger with a Gazillion fries...not the triple bypass special!