Family Tech Tutor Gifts

'Jeez, grandmom, here's your problem...you connect to WiFi, not HiFi!'

The cell phone soother for life.

"I have an imaginary friend called Fred, and my dad has one called Alexa."

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

Lay-Z-Family Recliner

"Right here is your baby’s infrastructure, and in a month or so we’ll be able to see the analytics."

"The Internet ate my baby!"

'We're beta testing Goo-Goo Glass.'

'Yes, technology has come a long way, but the baby won't have a touch screen.'

Virtual Beach

The Plasmas.

'We've never had an accident - aside from three of our five kids.'

'Mom, I need a push.'

"Take it easy, honey. Beneath that terrifying rage is our twelve-year-old daughter. My GOD, when will the wi-fi go back on?!!"

"I'm afraid your allowance didn't survive the latest round of budget cuts."

"We're going to start with the birds and the bees and then work our way up to the new reproductive technologies."

"I worry about the parents when I'm off to college. They're totally dependent on me for IT support."

At the modern antenatal class.

"Mr. Wickers called me 'gifted' in front of the whole class. I'm ruined."

'I'm too tired to listen to a story tonight, mom. Just e-mail something and I'll read it tomorrow.'

'We've been spending too much time apart on our mobile devices, and we need some together time. Everybody log on to the family social media page.'

'I need some tech support here!'

Interpreter.

"Aww, look. Baby just seeped her first credit card!"

'That's my boy! An A+ in 'spell-checking'!'

"I'll plug you in, tell you a bedtime algorithm, then LEDs out."

I told my mom about my imaginary friend and now she wants to schedule all my play dates.

"One of the advantages to working from home is free tech support!"

'Do you ever communicate as a family by just speaking?'

"Which side of the plates do the cellphones go?"

'Ah-ha! I found the problem, dad.'

'It used to be enough to keep them fed and clothed. Now it's fed, clothed and connected.'

"Look, we might have our little tiffs, but I think we should stay together for the sake of the children."

'Due to budget cuts, our school is not distributing report cards. They are available online for download. Luckily, I'm the only one in my family that is computer literate, not that I'll make changes or anything...'