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'Oh my, it's my sister's address! I'm delivering my own nephew!'

"My Mother's Ingrown Toenail" a saga in three parts, hour one.

Mum, I don't care what these nasty kids say about my brothers Romulus and remus being adopted: I love them all the same...

'It's time you knew the truth. You're not my real son. You're a novelization.'

'And to his son, he has left his Leprosy.'

"I have my mother's eyes...my dad's nose...Abuelito's hair...and my great aunt's teeth. Just my luck to be stuck with my own brain."

"Once upon a time, there was a princess who wasn't about to take anyone's sh*t."

'It's really more of a family forest than a family tree.'

True confessions.

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

"Finally, the alphabet is paying off."

The Family Joules: Part 21

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

Children's Party

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

"When I was young my parents couldn't afford to give me too much, too soon."

"No, son, you’re not ‘M for Mature.’"

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

"I just never 'think I can' anymore."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

'Riley, I think it's time you learned the truth... You're adopted.'

Toys were me: lessons learned never growing up

Fyodor Dostoevsky

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

"Oh, she talk a lot...but only about her children."

Jacques et Jille

'You were a band geek?! Maybe Max will play an instrument!'

"Now here's a tale that'll make you hair stand on end"

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

"But our history was current events when you were at school Dad!"

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

Wyatt returns home to visit his old small town.

"We're not laughing at you, sweetie. We're laughing at something you don't understand."

"See those birch trees on the other side of the pond? That’s the exact spot where your mother first called me an idiot."