Family Members Of Newborn Gifts

"Which one is yours?"

Cry babies.

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

'Whoops! I think you've arrived a little too early for school today, Dad!'

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

"You think two weeks in isolation is hard?"

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

'As you can see, it's a boy and he seems to be doing just fine.'

Litter Pick

Family heirlooms that will never make it onto the mantelpiece.

'Because Thanksgiving is about a bountiful harvest. That's why we have to eat all these vegetables.'

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

"It's a good boy!"

Mime Baby

"Having a cat will prepare us for having a teenager one day."

'Like you, I don't know why they feed us every day, but as long as they do it, I'll stay...'

"Give her some space! She's overdosing on baby talk!"

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

Groovy Baby

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

The First 3-D Thanksgiving

"I've recorded every noise my baby makes, so that when he's older I can play it back and he can tell me what he was trying to say. . .!"

Maternity tattoos

"No, they didn't live happily ever after, but they fared pretty well relative to every other miserable slop in the Dark Ages."

Same sex families - it's about love, not sex, after all...

"Once I have the motor skills, I'll be knee deep in pudding every. Damn. Day."

'The best part about mom making dessert is being able to lick the spoon.'

Someone's going to have to tell him he's adopted...

'The Doctor says you can be discharged - so I've brought you a list of jobs you can do when you get home!'