Family Members Of Newborn Pillows

"Which one is yours?"

Cry babies.

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

'Whoops! I think you've arrived a little too early for school today, Dad!'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

"You think two weeks in isolation is hard?"

'As you can see, it's a boy and he seems to be doing just fine.'

Litter Pick

'Like you, I don't know why they feed us every day, but as long as they do it, I'll stay...'

"Having a cat will prepare us for having a teenager one day."

Family heirlooms that will never make it onto the mantelpiece.

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

"Give her some space! She's overdosing on baby talk!"

Mime Baby

'Because Thanksgiving is about a bountiful harvest. That's why we have to eat all these vegetables.'

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

Groovy Baby

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

The First 3-D Thanksgiving

"I've recorded every noise my baby makes, so that when he's older I can play it back and he can tell me what he was trying to say. . .!"

"No, they didn't live happily ever after, but they fared pretty well relative to every other miserable slop in the Dark Ages."

'The best part about mom making dessert is being able to lick the spoon.'

Someone's going to have to tell him he's adopted...

Maternity tattoos

Same sex families - it's about love, not sex, after all...

"Once I have the motor skills, I'll be knee deep in pudding every. Damn. Day."

'The Doctor says you can be discharged - so I've brought you a list of jobs you can do when you get home!'

'Please tell me it shoots laser beams out of its eyes.'