Family Member Far Away Gifts

I'm merry Christmissing you.

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

'If he's only five years old, how come he knows the words to 'See the USA in your Chevrolet'?'

Mobile phones and long distance relationships,

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

Grandpa gets more than he bargained for when his lawnmower takes flight as a helicopter would.

'It was a rare accident. Lightning struck his bed pan.'

"The nurse thinks she's sneaky, but I know my meds are in the peanut butter."

You are not forgotten!

"It belonged to my great... great creepy Uncle Edgar."

'They're a very close family.'

All dressed up without the slightest idea why.

'Omigosh! According to your resume, we share the same father!'

'V. K. Duvine and Prodigal Son (if he comes back)

Business traveller dreaming of home.

Missing You#2

Tooth fairy flies away with dentures.

"Have I ever hugged you, Elkins?"

"Cousin Magdalena likes pushing Tia Carmen's buttons, doesn't she?"

"Isn't it nice? The kid drew it for me."

'the tire and swinging vine was for the children; the 800 pounds of bananas were when mother visited us last week.'

"I asked you to take Mother home, not too a home."

"I got the best gift ever! A phone call from my brother in Afghanistan!"

"This is your great second cousin Ignacio 'Nacho' Quesada."

'Sir, a distant relative to see you.'

"I don't care. We're not moving back in with my parents."

Another restraining order. This was the last time he'd try to plan a family reunion.

'It's a guest tooth brush!!! You're not the only guest we've ever had, Dale!'

"Let me remind you, Waterman, you're only a distant relative!"

"I won't really have time to miss you: I'll just be waking up when you come back from your migration..."

"Do you have a card for the second step mother of my third wife's brother on her cousins side?"

"Norman, there is a guy here who says he is you cousin from away....from far, far away."

'No, Grand'pa! The dentist said, 'Floss your teeth'!'

"Keeping all your money in a cigar box is not wise. You should keep it in a coffee can hidden behind the TV, like me!"

"I haven't told her about the recession...it'll only upset her."