Distant Friend Gifts

"Have I ever hugged you, Elkins?"

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

Shepherd and eurydice

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

Help! I'm ROFL and ICGU!

A Communal Breakfast for the Young

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"Why bother?"

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

A cow poos down a hole.'UH-OH!'

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

Danae's Career Plans: 'The major product manufactured today is punditry, so I'm honing my argumentative skills to work my way to the top of the blow hard industry..my goal is to become a spin ninja...'

Holding hands

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

'Well, Scout Smith, escort the little old lay across the street.'

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

Infantry.

Senior Jeopardy!

Mother pours bubble bath into child's plastic pool

'Hon, can you fill the dog's water dish?'

If you want to see love be love.

"It turns out you can 'take it with you' if you pack correctly."

"If the weather stays good, we could end up in a very prestigious 1992 Cabernet Sauvignon."

Mother threatening to gag her baby.

The Friendship Between Death and the Doctor.

"He's only energetic on sunny days."

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?