Estranged Friend Gifts

"You're dead to me now!"

"Can we do that again tomorrow night?"

A young Don King

I will study my speling words...

'X is unknown? Even to somebody with all your education?'

"What do you think I can get for it on the blackboard market?"

Twenty-first century baby walker

My book report is based on the audio book of the same name.

Timmy had one heck of a security blanket.

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN!, 'Boy, talk about psychobabbl!'

"Bad things happen to people who don't buy my cookies, Sir."

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

'I know what you're thinking, are those legal shoes.'

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'Look. Billy Curry did a nude!'

Boys making skis from bits of fence.

'You still owe me the pony from last year!'

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

"11th Grade Math for Nincompoops"

"You're right, they are statins."

"My homework is not done because our home modem is tool slow for downloading the answers."

To save some cash my parents held my 8th B'day party at Lenny's Tap + Grill....

Teacher to student: 'Nice use of glitter, but you were assigned to do math problems.'

'I haven't done anything. My ex-wife had those posters printed.'

Child steps off chair and says, 'Tough crowd.'(Cat looks impassive)

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

Man looking at greeting cards labeled "Apologies for not writing sooner" with sub-headings for different lengths of time.

'Trade you lunches?'

'Grownups are stupid! How can you be good and have fun?'

'We,ve still got it,Fred-it's a pity they don't want it anymore!'

"Same old crowd."

"Believe me, I didn't amass a billion dollar fortune just to impress you. But... it does, right?"