Estranged Partner Gifts

"Well, Wanda, as long as we're skipping the legal niceties, I don't care much for YOUR attorney, either!"

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

'Three weeks of brutal alimony negotiations, Polly, and you settle for a cracker!'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'Sorry Henry, but I'm looking for something a little more permanent.'

'Where Are They Now?'

"I'm leaving you, Steven....It's all there in my text message."

"Since my divorce I thought I'd never laugh again. Then I noticed your toupee."

'Look, I want you back, but I'm not going to beg.'

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

"His wife and family will decide on the course of treatment, but, as his ex, feel free to open up a few old wounds."

"So I gave her the 2-diamond love-and-BFFF ring and she grave me a big kiss, sold it, and went on a cruise. That's bad, right?!"

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

"People Change"

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

"It's over between us, Kevin, I've met a most wonderful cod!"

'If cupid shot me with his arrow this week, it would bounce right off!'

"And the person who made all those promises, this man you loved, trusted and ran away with, who subsequently stole your life savings and then abandoned you... is he in the courtroom today?"

"...Then she took the divorce settlement money...and set up a company that's putting me out of business."

'Your ex is calling. Her investment club bought 51 of the company, and you're fired!'

Revenge Graffiti.

"I'm not a vindictive person, Charles. When your chickens do come home to roost I hope they're free range chickens."

'Darling, this is my ex. You know, the one I said you were twice the man of.'

Generation Ex.

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

'Don't take it the wrong way, we could always be friends'