Family Member Far Away Pillows

I'm merry Christmissing you.

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

'If he's only five years old, how come he knows the words to 'See the USA in your Chevrolet'?'

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

Grandpa gets more than he bargained for when his lawnmower takes flight as a helicopter would.

Mobile phones and long distance relationships,

'It was a rare accident. Lightning struck his bed pan.'

"The nurse thinks she's sneaky, but I know my meds are in the peanut butter."

'We just figured that with the kids travelling so much for soccer, it made more sense to sell our house and get an RV.'

You are not forgotten!

'They're a very close family.'

"It belonged to my great... great creepy Uncle Edgar."

All dressed up without the slightest idea why.

Business traveller dreaming of home.

'V. K. Duvine and Prodigal Son (if he comes back)

Tooth fairy flies away with dentures.

'Omigosh! According to your resume, we share the same father!'

Missing You#2

"Have I ever hugged you, Elkins?"

"Isn't it nice? The kid drew it for me."

"Cousin Magdalena likes pushing Tia Carmen's buttons, doesn't she?"

'the tire and swinging vine was for the children; the 800 pounds of bananas were when mother visited us last week.'

"I asked you to take Mother home, not too a home."

"I got the best gift ever! A phone call from my brother in Afghanistan!"

"This is your great second cousin Ignacio 'Nacho' Quesada."

'Sir, a distant relative to see you.'

"I don't care. We're not moving back in with my parents."

Another restraining order. This was the last time he'd try to plan a family reunion.

'It's a guest tooth brush!!! You're not the only guest we've ever had, Dale!'

"Let me remind you, Waterman, you're only a distant relative!"

"I won't really have time to miss you: I'll just be waking up when you come back from your migration..."

"This is your third cousin Hermina. She was a bad gardener, but she always had the best tomatoes!"

"Do you have a card for the second step mother of my third wife's brother on her cousins side?"

'No, Grand'pa! The dentist said, 'Floss your teeth'!'

"Keeping all your money in a cigar box is not wise. You should keep it in a coffee can hidden behind the TV, like me!"