Close Family Member Pillows

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

You are not forgotten!

"I haven't told her about the recession...it'll only upset her."

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

Shepherd and eurydice

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

Licensed Therapist

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

Now, let's not be hasty! They may look the same, but we are both duty bound to fetch our own master's ball...

A Communal Breakfast for the Young

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

"I didn't spark joy."

Dancing Doctor

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

'Whoops! I think you've arrived a little too early for school today, Dad!'

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

"Little help?"

'Great news, Dear! I've been traded to a think tank in California for a PhD Specializing in the Baltics!'

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

A cow poos down a hole.'UH-OH!'

Cardiac Recovery.