Distant Relatives Pillows

'He's my wife's second cousin three times removed, but he keeps coming back.'

"OK, so the test shows you have a large amount of wolf-DNA: that does not give you automatic entry to our pack..."

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

Children's Party

'It states in his will that if he becomes brain dead he wants to go unplugged.'

'If he's only five years old, how come he knows the words to 'See the USA in your Chevrolet'?'

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

Stockwell's day

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"Forget the palm dearie...I'll read yer race."

"If you really loved me you wouldn't have called me Euthanasia!"

'I guess you've noticed that most of these trespasses are reruns.'

"Oh, you haven’t seen holiday drama ‘till you’ve met our little family."

'He's not my Daddy: He's my great great grandfather...'

'He just outlawed his in-laws.'

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

"Alexa...order my shopping!"

'They're young hares, so it's OK for them to be a bit crazy in March, but thankfully, we've grown out of that!'

"No monsters under this bed! After I cleaned there's no room."

"Nice try, Frank. Mother is still coming for the weekend."

Remembering His Marbles

"And for you older folks, the current time is 'nowadays.'"

You are not forgotten!

'I'm going to love having me in Haiti.'

"Holy smoke. What kind of frosting is that?"

"You got this, Nana."

'Well how about rocking 'partly' around the clock then?'

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"What's a good time for dinner, let's sync up our calendars..."

"A 12 month tour of the USA costs us less than staying at home for a year."