Family Harmony Navigator T-Shirts

'I always felt different as a child - I come from a functional family.'

'How do you know I won't shrink if I didn't come with a washing instructions tag?'

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

'sugar and spice my eye.'

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

"Relax, grandpa. The quarterback is taking a knee to run out the clock."

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

'None of the other things had instructions.'

"We've given it a great deal of thought and we decided we're going to give in to everything you want at all times."

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

"I love spending time together as a family. It brings us together. It makes us stronger. It helps us understand each other."

Reason #149 for making sure the whole family wears seat belts: It helps keep the kids quiet.

"Ironically, this all started with a little poke on Facebook."

Coping during the 6 weeks school holidays.

My changing Body: A Guide For New Fathers

Mother's Day: 2nd Sunday in May, Others Day: Every day before and after the 2nd Sunday in May.

Kids go to school and mom goes to the psychiatric clinic.

"Wet wipe?"

'I think he's proud of his ability to be in the way in more than one room at a time.'

"Will you turn that TV down? Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

'Do you realize that I spend more time out than I do in?'

"This baby will hold more than a hundred and twenty-five cubic feet of family rancor."

'Will these glasses help him see things my way?'

'No Jennifer! I never head of mad broccoli disease.'

"I'm sorry, Tom... but you don't Chronic Fatigue Syndrome if it only when you're going to see your inlaws."

'I'm afraid your child support payments will be quite substantial.'

"No, we're not there yet because your father refuses to ask for directions!"

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.'

'Would you like me to have a word with educational psychologist about Julie?'