Family Dynamo Pillows

'And do you, Rex, promise not to take sides?'

"The doctor says Tia Carmen is resting now...he's encouraging all family visitors to go home. We'll see you back here tomorrow."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

'This one's for marrying him, and this one's for raising the kids.'

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

"Truth is relative at these reunions. It depends on which relative you talk to."

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

"If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to far, go together." - African proverb.

"Quick! The ideas are hatching!"

Lady asking her fiance's son if she can be his new mother.

A child as a pet substitute.

"Nothing else in my room can spin on the floor like a bottle."

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies!'

"Could you please downgrade this to a C? High expectations bring out the worst in my parents."

'So, you're an organ-grinder's monkey? A professional beggar? Is that how you intend to support my daughter?'

Out of patience

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

"All I ask is a chance to ruin my life in my own way."

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

'You are right, honey, it's raining too much. It's not the best day to visit my mom.'

"We need to have a serious talk."

'My motto is 'Lead, follow or get out of the way!''

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

Attack of the 50 foot administrative professional.

Well, obviously we can't live with my parents

"I thought we agreed we wouldn't tell your Dad about the Easter Bunny till next year."

'I'm leaving my wife because of another woman. Her mother.'

You never caw.

'Yoy know perfectly well WHICH corner, Jamie!'