Family Dining Diplomat T-Shirts

"Remember, it's not enough to say what's great about mac'n'cheese. We've got to to negative on tuna noodle casserole."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"This happens everytime someone asks to speak to the head of the household."

"My smelly French cheese is much better than your Canadian beef."

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.' (at restaurant with three kids)

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"I believe I'll skip the appetizer. I ate the flowers."

"Do you know I fought an hour with that salmon you're eating."

"No dessert until you finish your dark matter."

"So are you can't cook or won't cook?"

"I'm bilingual. I can talk to parents and step parents."

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

Thanksgiving Family Get-Togethers

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

What really happened on the EVER GIVEN

'I know that other kids manage on ?5 pocket money - but their parents don't charge them to watch any television programme their parents don't happen to approve off!'

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

'My dad must like you, or he would have charged by now.'

"Is anyone enjoying anything?"

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

'For once can't we all just sit down and eat as a family?'

"If you liked tonight's meal, you might enjoy 'Making The Meal,' a documentary with outtakes and commentary when the cook ran out of eggs because someone put an empty carton back in the refrigerator..."

'No, there's nothing else: At this time of year, we eat salmon!'

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

'A mediator hasn't worked, so I brought in everyone's moms.'

Husband dismayed to get cold mutton for dinner again. Wife comments that someone must be economical on the housekeeping money she is given.

Screen Time at the Dining Table

'My fortune says you're a liar, so I won't even ask what yours says.'

'We'd like a quiet table for 47.'

Nuclear Families

My corn is undercooked. It hasn't even popped!

"You’ll meet a beautiful woman whom your mother will loathe."

"You'll have one bite of everything!"