Family Dining Diplomat Gifts

"Remember, it's not enough to say what's great about mac'n'cheese. We've got to to negative on tuna noodle casserole."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"This happens everytime someone asks to speak to the head of the household."

"My smelly French cheese is much better than your Canadian beef."

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.' (at restaurant with three kids)

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"I believe I'll skip the appetizer. I ate the flowers."

"Do you know I fought an hour with that salmon you're eating."

"I'm bilingual. I can talk to parents and step parents."

"No dessert until you finish your dark matter."

"So are you can't cook or won't cook?"

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

Thanksgiving Family Get-Togethers

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

'I know that other kids manage on ?5 pocket money - but their parents don't charge them to watch any television programme their parents don't happen to approve off!'

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

What really happened on the EVER GIVEN

'My dad must like you, or he would have charged by now.'

'For once can't we all just sit down and eat as a family?'

'No, there's nothing else: At this time of year, we eat salmon!'

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

"If you liked tonight's meal, you might enjoy 'Making The Meal,' a documentary with outtakes and commentary when the cook ran out of eggs because someone put an empty carton back in the refrigerator..."

"Is anyone enjoying anything?"

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

'A mediator hasn't worked, so I brought in everyone's moms.'

"Do you have to mime looking at your mobile at the dinner table Marceau?"

"You'll have one bite of everything!"

'Spuds were watery. And where's my damn dessert?'

Screen Time at the Dining Table

'My fortune says you're a liar, so I won't even ask what yours says.'

'We'd like a quiet table for 47.'

"You’ll meet a beautiful woman whom your mother will loathe."

My corn is undercooked. It hasn't even popped!