Family Dinner Diplomat T-Shirts

'Spuds were watery. And where's my damn dessert?'

"You don't have to eat mother's meat loaf. . . but don't give it to the dog. Last time he was sick for a week!"

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

'Protein, starch, vegetable??? When you said 'square meal' I thought PIZZA IN A BOX!'

'I'm worried about him, he eats his vegetables, but not his dessert!'

"Oh, mournful and terrible engine of horror and crime—of agony and of death, not asparagus again!"

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

"This happens everytime someone asks to speak to the head of the household."

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

Newton had actually discovered gravity at a family dinner in his early childhood.

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

"I hope we can sell everything before it's time for mom to make dinner."

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.' (at restaurant with three kids)

Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!

"I grabbed it away from Larry and seasoned it properly just in time. It's a rescue meatloaf."

"Do you know I fought an hour with that salmon you're eating."

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"I believe I'll skip the appetizer. I ate the flowers."

'I hope you all like stuffing.'

'Hurry up you guys! I'm about to serve dinner!'

"So are you can't cook or won't cook?"

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"I'm bilingual. I can talk to parents and step parents."

"No dessert until you finish your dark matter."

"It's so nice to gather and enjoy a simple home-cooked meal together."

'As soon as your mother is through laundering the money we'll go out to eat.'

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

Thanksgiving Family Get-Togethers

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

"Fridge-to-table"