Family Comedic Observer Pillows

'Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family....in another state....'

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

Graph Your Relatives!

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

Growth Charts

"He is throwing another of his 'hissy fits' again!"

'We haven't had a family get-together like this since we were kids - Hey! Where are mum and dad?'

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

'Look, Dad, I made a pair of boots out of your chest waders.'

"Dad's barbeucuing again so Mom's got the pizza place on speed dial."

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

"I finally cleaned my room. You don't think she'll look in the yard, do you?"

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"

'MUM, go and get Daddy, there's another knight coming: This is so much fun!'

"Hello? Guys? Okay, I've had a long day and I'm very tired, so no pranks this time. I'm serious... guys?!"

"Okay, you can keep 'em, but if they grow any bigger, they'll have to sleep in the kitchen."

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

"Mum, Dad, I think I might be bipedal."

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'