Faithful Marketer Gifts

"I think it's the company logo."

'How fast can you hype?'

Coming Soon! More Stuff You Could Live Without!

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

Berries, Roots, Tubers, Stems, Leaves.

Classic Autos: We have muscle cars for weaklings!

"I'll start thinking outside the box when the box is empty."

"We could try 'gravity' as an excuse."

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

'It's about time!'

"The Curse of the robot followers: At first, Rob was thrilled with the all the attention and followers."

"Before we decide that SEO is dead, can someone tell me what SEO is?"

"As an expert in loyalty, Fido will create an emotional bond with each customer."

London Olympics.

"We could hire some sign-wavers to stand by the side of the road and advertise our product."

"Which will it be - do we label it '20% free', and raise the price 20%, or label lit '40% free', and raise the price 40%?"

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

'I think we've done it, Igor! This will be the hot new sports drink of the summer!'

'I'm sending him out to drum up new business.'

The church of our lady of wall street.

"Oprah is definite, Barnes and Noble is giving you front windows, and Norman Mailer has agreed to a feud."

"Sorry -- The doctor is out -- But we have like 10 influencers available."

"Before we begin tonight's dream, a word from our sponsor..."

It turns out people aren't buying our product because it's stupid.

'You'll find that these really let your feet breathe'

"We should appeal to their greed, without, of course, actually appealing to their greed."

"The Loyalty Card program has changed. Management now requires you to get a Loyalty Forehead Tattoo of the bar's logo."

"This is like the time you had me sell water as a 'diet drink'."

“There once was a woman who lived in a can of prebiotic soda… & only then did she consume enough to reap the health benefits claimed on the label.”

"Attendance is way down. He's just trying to jazz up the place..."