Faithful Financiers Gifts

Prophets are up.

Lots of collections at a church service

'I used to think I couldn't serve both God and Mammon, and then I discovered multitasking!'

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

'I bet he gets a better rate of interest than me!'

The church of our lady of wall street.

Vicar prays for money for church repairs.

Wall St Baptist: 'Life is exactly like the stock market exchange and we each have our own portfolio to manage.'

"I won't ask you what you're using for bait . . . what are you using for a line."

'Oh, oh! They're going to give it to us with both barrels!'

Testing the water temperature in the font.

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

'You may be serving Him up there, but don't forget...I'm boss down here.'

Notice on back of bishop's gown - How's My Droving.

"And a source said let there be light."

I'm going to say my prayers. Should I play the same lotto numbers?

'Thanks...but according to the web, 80 of kids' allowances are now linked to the Dow.'

'Could I get back to you on that one? My broker says my stock went back up!'

Coventry Carol

"I wasn't very interested in numbers 'til I discovered you could make money out of them."

'A wonderful sermon, father; I liked the part about a time to sew and a time to reap. When would you say I should cover the naked December calls I sold last month?'

Faith-Based Tuna Casserole

The Stock Market Giveth. . . The Stock Market Taketh Away.

'I'll be seeing you again right after our Quarterly Earnings Report.'

"I don't know about this freelancing. I'd like someone to guard."

'It's not quite as bad as it looks - they're only witholding payment until we publish our expenses.'

'Brown or white?'

"The baptism is Sunday, and not a moment too soon, I might add."

"This is the one - we want you to pray for this one."

Our grandfathers called it the Sabbath, our fathers called it Sunday... And we call it the weekend.