Faithful Epicurean T-Shirts

'We thank you for this food, but we wish you gave us enough sense to avoid all this cholesterol, salt and all these additives.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

Holiday Supplies

'No, I didn't get a presidential pardon, but I got something better. God has forgiven me.'

"You arrived as bottom-feeders, but you shall leave as bottom-gourmands."

"I'm saving you with this booklet about the Kingdom of Heaven."

"It was a really romantic dinner. I cried when he gave me roses. We had lobster and wine. He cried when we got the bill."

Michel Roux Jr

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"My Son, of course there were only one set of footprints in the sand. I've got a hoverboard."

"Honey, quick – the demi-glace is about to simmer – pass me a shot of Don Julio 1942 tequila!"

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

"May we see something from local hydroponically grown grapes aged in casks made from non-endangered trees?"

Priest watering his wings.

"I see you've finished your meal, sir. Can I get you anything else?... Coffee? Brandy? A doctor?"

'If I have but one life to live, Pierre, it's going to be a gastric life.'

"Bible studies class? We're still writing it."

The Pope's bags getting carried by an angel.

'How many Breadsticks have you eaten?'

'On your way back from the Holy Land, can you stop at Paris and pick up some creme brulee?'

How to Succeed in Business - Strategy 2: Build relationships at the highest level.

'Good thing the recipe doesn't call for two tablespoons of port, we'd need a second cart.'

Survival of the Foodiest

'The bill is part of the chef's surprise, sir.'

Dial-A-Prayer and Dial-A-Mantra

Church Steeple Rocket