Faithful Epicurean Gifts

'We thank you for this food, but we wish you gave us enough sense to avoid all this cholesterol, salt and all these additives.'

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Holiday Supplies

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

Do you ever wonder if there's really a higher power? What do you mean? Is there an all-knowing being that keeps track of you? That always knows where you are

'No, I didn't get a presidential pardon, but I got something better. God has forgiven me.'

"You arrived as bottom-feeders, but you shall leave as bottom-gourmands."

"I'm saving you with this booklet about the Kingdom of Heaven."

"It was a really romantic dinner. I cried when he gave me roses. We had lobster and wine. He cried when we got the bill."

"But, Mom, how can it be a vacation when you're taking me to school?"

"My Son, of course there were only one set of footprints in the sand. I've got a hoverboard."

Michel Roux Jr

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

Paul Bocuse caricature

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"Honey, quick – the demi-glace is about to simmer – pass me a shot of Don Julio 1942 tequila!"

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

Anthony Bourdain with Chopsticks

"May we see something from local hydroponically grown grapes aged in casks made from non-endangered trees?"

'You see, son, we are all made in His Image.'

Priest watering his wings.

The Pope's bags getting carried by an angel.

"I see you've finished your meal, sir. Can I get you anything else?... Coffee? Brandy? A doctor?"

"Bible studies class? We're still writing it."

'How many Breadsticks have you eaten?'

'If I have but one life to live, Pierre, it's going to be a gastric life.'

'On your way back from the Holy Land, can you stop at Paris and pick up some creme brulee?'

How to Succeed in Business - Strategy 2: Build relationships at the highest level.

'Good thing the recipe doesn't call for two tablespoons of port, we'd need a second cart.'

'The bill is part of the chef's surprise, sir.'

Survival of the Foodiest

Church Steeple Rocket