Angelic Epicurean T-Shirts

"What's good here?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

Holiday Supplies

"Hickory smoke—that's what gives it that hearty Western flavor."

"You arrived as bottom-feeders, but you shall leave as bottom-gourmands."

"It was a really romantic dinner. I cried when he gave me roses. We had lobster and wine. He cried when we got the bill."

Paul Bocuse caricature

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

Michel Roux Jr

"Honey, quick – the demi-glace is about to simmer – pass me a shot of Don Julio 1942 tequila!"

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

Anthony Bourdain with Chopsticks

"May we see something from local hydroponically grown grapes aged in casks made from non-endangered trees?"

'How many Breadsticks have you eaten?'

"I see you've finished your meal, sir. Can I get you anything else?... Coffee? Brandy? A doctor?"

'If I have but one life to live, Pierre, it's going to be a gastric life.'

"Since I proved in my last lecture that none of us really exist...I'm going to change this to a cooking class!"

'On your way back from the Holy Land, can you stop at Paris and pick up some creme brulee?'

'Good thing the recipe doesn't call for two tablespoons of port, we'd need a second cart.'

Romance novel writers make the best waiters. 'Tonight's special is chicken: ample,milky white breasts, touched with a slight hesitation of strong,rigid basil, too headstrong to stay and too scared to stop.'

'The bill is part of the chef's surprise, sir.'

"The book, How to Serve Man! It's. . . It's a cook book, filled with recipes that use MSG and transfats!"

"Bob, no! You don't drown in white wine with steak!"

Survival of the Foodiest

Nick's Greek Restaurant: Special - Nick's own translation of the Odyssey

'Now, if you can get them when they're still in the clamshell, their adrenalin is way higher which enhances the taste. In fact, here comes one right now!'

You complimented the chef on his dumplings-now he wishes to return the compliments!

"Wow - good job!"