Elite Epicurean T-Shirts

"I was afraid of GMO foods until I learned they're the designer versions."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

Wendy likes horses...and she is a keen cook.

Holiday Supplies

"Hickory smoke—that's what gives it that hearty Western flavor."

"You arrived as bottom-feeders, but you shall leave as bottom-gourmands."

"It was a really romantic dinner. I cried when he gave me roses. We had lobster and wine. He cried when we got the bill."

"Honey, quick – the demi-glace is about to simmer – pass me a shot of Don Julio 1942 tequila!"

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

Michel Roux Jr

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"This robot barista is so authentic it even got my name wrong."

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

"May we see something from local hydroponically grown grapes aged in casks made from non-endangered trees?"

How to injury yourself as an adult

"I see you've finished your meal, sir. Can I get you anything else?... Coffee? Brandy? A doctor?"

'How many Breadsticks have you eaten?'

'If I have but one life to live, Pierre, it's going to be a gastric life.'

"Since I proved in my last lecture that none of us really exist...I'm going to change this to a cooking class!"

'On your way back from the Holy Land, can you stop at Paris and pick up some creme brulee?'

Nick's Greek Restaurant: Special - Nick's own translation of the Odyssey

Survival of the Foodiest

"The book, How to Serve Man! It's. . . It's a cook book, filled with recipes that use MSG and transfats!"

'Good thing the recipe doesn't call for two tablespoons of port, we'd need a second cart.'

'The bill is part of the chef's surprise, sir.'

"Bob, no! You don't drown in white wine with steak!"

'Now, if you can get them when they're still in the clamshell, their adrenalin is way higher which enhances the taste. In fact, here comes one right now!'

"What's good here?"

No Flash Photography of Meals

"Wow - good job!"

'I'll leave it entirely to you...as long as it's a red...for exactly $20...from Napa...made from Merlot...2006 vintage...'