Existential Epicureans T-Shirts

"Since I proved in my last lecture that none of us really exist...I'm going to change this to a cooking class!"

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

The Origins of Everything

Holiday Supplies

"Hickory smoke—that's what gives it that hearty Western flavor."

"You arrived as bottom-feeders, but you shall leave as bottom-gourmands."

"It was a really romantic dinner. I cried when he gave me roses. We had lobster and wine. He cried when we got the bill."

"Honey, quick – the demi-glace is about to simmer – pass me a shot of Don Julio 1942 tequila!"

Michel Roux Jr

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

Paul Bocuse caricature

"Call this cordon bleu?"

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

Anthony Bourdain with Chopsticks

"May we see something from local hydroponically grown grapes aged in casks made from non-endangered trees?"

Philosophie.fr Bulletin Board - 1936

How to injury yourself as an adult

"I see you've finished your meal, sir. Can I get you anything else?... Coffee? Brandy? A doctor?"

'If I have but one life to live, Pierre, it's going to be a gastric life.'

'How many Breadsticks have you eaten?'

'This is ridiculous! I'v enever had a sick day in my life!'

'On your way back from the Holy Land, can you stop at Paris and pick up some creme brulee?'

'Good thing the recipe doesn't call for two tablespoons of port, we'd need a second cart.'

Survival of the Foodiest

Nick's Greek Restaurant: Special - Nick's own translation of the Odyssey

'The bill is part of the chef's surprise, sir.'

"The book, How to Serve Man! It's. . . It's a cook book, filled with recipes that use MSG and transfats!"

"Bob, no! You don't drown in white wine with steak!"

'Does this restaurant allow substitutions?'

"What's good here?"

"Wow - good job!"

'What if this isn't it?'