Emotional Epicurean T-Shirts

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Holiday Supplies

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

"Hickory smoke—that's what gives it that hearty Western flavor."

"It was a really romantic dinner. I cried when he gave me roses. We had lobster and wine. He cried when we got the bill."

The Nervous Gourmet:Low-Risk Chicken

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

'Leeks can disappoint you and garlic will break your heart, but only onions make you cry.'

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

Michel Roux Jr

"Call this cordon bleu?"

"Honey, quick – the demi-glace is about to simmer – pass me a shot of Don Julio 1942 tequila!"

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

'This Beef Wellington is as tough as old boots.'

"May we see something from local hydroponically grown grapes aged in casks made from non-endangered trees?"

'If I have but one life to live, Pierre, it's going to be a gastric life.'

"I see you've finished your meal, sir. Can I get you anything else?... Coffee? Brandy? A doctor?"

'How many Breadsticks have you eaten?'

"Since I proved in my last lecture that none of us really exist...I'm going to change this to a cooking class!"

'On your way back from the Holy Land, can you stop at Paris and pick up some creme brulee?'

A single man can be seen through the front window of the "ME Only Restaurant".

"Our new math book not only remediates, diagnoses, analyzes,and tests, it also contains fifty quick and delicious recipes for today's on-the-go teacher!"

'The bill is part of the chef's surprise, sir.'

Nick's Greek Restaurant: Special - Nick's own translation of the Odyssey

Survival of the Foodiest

"Bob, no! You don't drown in white wine with steak!"

'Good thing the recipe doesn't call for two tablespoons of port, we'd need a second cart.'

Romance novel writers make the best waiters. 'Tonight's special is chicken: ample,milky white breasts, touched with a slight hesitation of strong,rigid basil, too headstrong to stay and too scared to stop.'

"What's good here?"

You complimented the chef on his dumplings-now he wishes to return the compliments!

'Does this restaurant allow substitutions?'