Anxious Epicurean T-Shirts

The Nervous Gourmet:Low-Risk Chicken

Counting ribs

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Holiday Supplies

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

'Who wants to be examined first?'

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

"It was a really romantic dinner. I cried when he gave me roses. We had lobster and wine. He cried when we got the bill."

'It's your babysitter, where do you keep your fire extinguisher?'

"Honey, quick – the demi-glace is about to simmer – pass me a shot of Don Julio 1942 tequila!"

Michel Roux Jr

'Leeks can disappoint you and garlic will break your heart, but only onions make you cry.'

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

"Call this cordon bleu?"

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

'I'm sorry, but I haven't understood a word you've babbled since I turned left on red.'

"I know there's safety in numbers, but I suffer from enochlophobia: Can you help me?"

Agoraphobic Explorer

'How many Breadsticks have you eaten?'

"Is it okay that I said yes to that costume party?"

"I see you've finished your meal, sir. Can I get you anything else?... Coffee? Brandy? A doctor?"

'If I have but one life to live, Pierre, it's going to be a gastric life.'

'On your way back from the Holy Land, can you stop at Paris and pick up some creme brulee?'

A single man can be seen through the front window of the "ME Only Restaurant".

"Our new math book not only remediates, diagnoses, analyzes,and tests, it also contains fifty quick and delicious recipes for today's on-the-go teacher!"

'The bill is part of the chef's surprise, sir.'

'Good thing the recipe doesn't call for two tablespoons of port, we'd need a second cart.'

Nick's Greek Restaurant: Special - Nick's own translation of the Odyssey

"Bob, no! You don't drown in white wine with steak!"

Romance novel writers make the best waiters. 'Tonight's special is chicken: ample,milky white breasts, touched with a slight hesitation of strong,rigid basil, too headstrong to stay and too scared to stop.'

Survival of the Foodiest

Person is hiding behind book entitled 'Coping with shyness'.

"Did we switch everything off before we left?"