Faddy Food Fan Gifts

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

Counting ribs

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

"Two burgers, two fries, two martinis—and we'll have those to go."

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

'I made your favorite for dinner — pterodactyl nuggets!'

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

"Is the garbage fresh?"

The proper term for our special promotion is Triple Cheeseburger with a Gazillion fries...not the triple bypass special!

The miracle of 2-for-1 pizza.

A convenient attack of swine flu...

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

'The two-pounds-burger menu includes chips, a large drink and an arteriosclerosis treatment.'

"Whoa! One last doughnut left."

Now all meals contain 'Enzymate' for fast digestion.'

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

Vegetables VS Junk Food.

Supermarket Aisles: 'Good for the Environment' and 'Couldn't give a flying F@$#! about the environment!'

Sisyphus Pizza

'You'll love this, it has no nutritional value.'

'Real hungry? Should be, 'Really hungry.' Adjectives take adverbs.'

"Yes, I'm sure some child in Brussels won't starve if you eat his sprouts."

'I didn't have time to hunt'

That's my boss for you - a platitude with an attitude.

"You know they're trying too hard when the chef's special is Corn Dogs Bordelaise."

'Diet? Yeah I'm on a prop's diet...pies,chips,burgers and coke!'

"My brain said, exercise....my tummy auto-corrected that to, extra-fries!"

"Our greatest fears are confirmed, they've taken waffle fries off the menu."