Fried Food Fan Gifts

Golf Sale Next to Chip Shop

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

"Two burgers, two fries, two martinis—and we'll have those to go."

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

'I made your favorite for dinner — pterodactyl nuggets!'

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

"Is the garbage fresh?"

The proper term for our special promotion is Triple Cheeseburger with a Gazillion fries...not the triple bypass special!

'Must you have chips with everything Sir Francis.'

The miracle of 2-for-1 pizza.

'The two-pounds-burger menu includes chips, a large drink and an arteriosclerosis treatment.'

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

Italian Style Fish 'n' Chips

Now all meals contain 'Enzymate' for fast digestion.'

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

'You'll love this, it has no nutritional value.'

Sisyphus Pizza

Supermarket Aisles: 'Good for the Environment' and 'Couldn't give a flying F@$#! about the environment!'

"Of course I mind—they're mine, and I want all of them."

'I didn't have time to hunt'

"So that's a triple burger with added cheese and relish... Would you like the complementary angioplasty with that?"

UFO = Unidentified frying object.

"My brain said, exercise....my tummy auto-corrected that to, extra-fries!"

"Might I recommend one of our salads? They come with three of your companion's fries."

'Diet? Yeah I'm on a prop's diet...pies,chips,burgers and coke!'

'I'm getting the shrimp - it sounds really yummy!'

"Our greatest fears are confirmed, they've taken waffle fries off the menu."

That's my boss for you - a platitude with an attitude.

"You know they're trying too hard when the chef's special is Corn Dogs Bordelaise."

'I usually take my new clients to nicer places. But my expense account isn't what it used to be.'

"I guess it's an OK job. Minimum wage plus all you can eat. I tried to quit once but couldn't get out the door."