Eyecare Comedian Gifts

Optometrist Humor

Six-tier Communal Cradle.

Jelly I.V.

"The nurse thinks she's sneaky, but I know my meds are in the peanut butter."

'This Beef Wellington is as tough as old boots.'

'I think the eye doctor got my prescription glasses mixed up with somebody else's.'

A man jumps out of a window to avoid an injection.

IV Bags: Main and Afters

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

"I'm prescribing stronger glasses for you, and I recommend a neck brace for your smartphone use."

"Is this the ride on lawn mower you advertised?"

Death with a strimmer (weed whacker)

'Think of it as a tongue depressor on steroids.'

'I am afraid Mr Cyclops, they only come in pairs.'

"Well, looks like it's time for eyeglasses."

"You fought the lawn, and the lawn won..."

'I'm so embarrassed driving such a filthy vehicle...'

'It should be changed every 3000 miles? Better change it three times, then.'

"Oh, and remember to roll up the rug the other way when you're done so it'll lie flat again."

Ned Buntz, U.S. Marshall and Frontier Optometrist

'I see you tried giving your cat a bath, again.'

'Okay, Claudia, you're right, next time I'll buy freshly frozen rats!'

'This is so real. When I got back to my car, it was dented on both sides.'

"We're playing Redistribution of Wealth."

Man scraping the snow off his car greets neighbour who is scrapping off advertisements.

'I think your intraocular pressure is very high.'

We've got to do something about this terrible drought - I want you to all go home and wash your cars.

"We have a potential client here in the lobby who is a sailor and and they're wondering if we do 'aye-aye' exams."

'What makes you think he's got worms?'

Tom got himself retreaded at the same time as his wheels

'Who said that Is there someone there'

"They're resilient."

"Your vital signs are weak, even for a zombie."

Shaving with a Very Sharp Blade