Eye Chart Challenger Pillows

"How are those?"

"... and now read the fourth line, please."

"The eyes are the last part of the body to die. The pupils dilate."

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

Take the time to do something nice for yourself. Your kids will thank you. That is, if you ever decide to have them.

Lawnmower

"That's a very good suggestion, perhaps one of the men would like to make it?"

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

'The cannon will go off every 20 minutes just to make sure you're paying attention,'

'We could make a fortune teaching Parkour you know...'

With-it Woman

Can't read 'SLOW'.

'Oh, sure -- You want me to waste my valuable time helping you extinguish your ego'

'How do you propose to repair the roof from down there?!'

"Now, would you consider yourself more of a Gurl Boss, a She-E-O, or a Mompreneur?"

"Tomorrow, we'll take on the tobacco industry."

"Alien life-form or not, those dishes won't wash themselves up!"

'...and when I did finally take out the trash, she locked the door behind me.'

Do Not Lean In

"I hope this makes it clearer!"

"Nothing wrong with your eyesight sir: must have been a mirage you saw..."

'Sorry...I don't do hugs!'

'At least! I get to find out what's above the glass ceiling!'

Childrens Eye Test

'Young lady, you're not going anywhere until you clean your lint trap!'

Joe's Bar: Your money back if you think you're man enough!

'The numbers don't look quite so bad along with the hard liquor.'

Spring cleaning.

"Here's your problem."

A man walks with a dog who has learnt to scoop his own poop.

Everyone thinks they can do it

'I don't understand. Is our performance going up or down?'

"Billy's cheating, Susan is lying, Dave, no, that's Gary, no, Bob. Bob's stealing?"

Boxer with glasses.