Eye Chart Challenger Mugs

"How are those?"

"... and now read the fourth line, please."

"The eyes are the last part of the body to die. The pupils dilate."

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

Take the time to do something nice for yourself. Your kids will thank you. That is, if you ever decide to have them.

"Looks like Harriet mixed her lights and darks again."

Lawnmower

"That's a very good suggestion, perhaps one of the men would like to make it?"

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

'The cannon will go off every 20 minutes just to make sure you're paying attention,'

'We could make a fortune teaching Parkour you know...'

With-it Woman

Can't read 'SLOW'.

'Oh, sure -- You want me to waste my valuable time helping you extinguish your ego'

'How do you propose to repair the roof from down there?!'

"Now, would you consider yourself more of a Gurl Boss, a She-E-O, or a Mompreneur?"

"Tomorrow, we'll take on the tobacco industry."

"I hope this makes it clearer!"

'...and when I did finally take out the trash, she locked the door behind me.'

"Nothing wrong with your eyesight sir: must have been a mirage you saw..."

Do Not Lean In

"Alien life-form or not, those dishes won't wash themselves up!"

'At least! I get to find out what's above the glass ceiling!'

'Sorry...I don't do hugs!'

Childrens Eye Test

'Young lady, you're not going anywhere until you clean your lint trap!'

'The numbers don't look quite so bad along with the hard liquor.'

Joe's Bar: Your money back if you think you're man enough!

Spring cleaning.

"Here's your problem."

'Unfortunately, Mr.Beckons, your son Dean is very allergic to grass. . .'

A man walks with a dog who has learnt to scoop his own poop.

Everyone thinks they can do it

'I don't understand. Is our performance going up or down?'