Extraterrestrial Examiner Gifts

'Not only do we get to probe earthlings, we get paid for it.'

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

Secret footage from Roswell, shows an alien and debris from a crashed UFO

"Please ask your pet to kindly put down the weapon."

Questions about an old case refuse to go away. . .

'Actually, we were hoping you guys would have the solution to all our problems.'

'Your videotape's intriguing - But it still doesn't prove that they really exist.'

Alien Snowmen

"Sorry...but until we fix the cloaking device, this will have to do."

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

"Keep looking. She's here somewhere."

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

How am I abducting?

"Oh boy charades! I love charades! Something big? Is it a bird? It's sharp! Behind? Above?"

'Excuse me could you please direct me to the nearest toilet?'

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

"I can never understand these foreign crop circles."

"My latest sighting turned out to be just another weather balloon."

'I say we invade and secure all those renewable resources.'

Watch the skies: UFO buffs all stare at the sky, yet alien is amongst them.

'I asked if you were affiliated with an HMO not a UFO.'

Science fiction fans on other planets

'Kids, today, Xerf brought in a planet that he found. Now if we look at it closely under the microscope, you can still see it's inhabitants scrambling around.'

"I'm sending you an interesting article about declining birth rates."

"Wow! You do have a triple A membership!"

How to draw a martian!

'Hello Mr Preston? This is an ALIEN speaking. We have landed in your paddock. We have mutilated your cows. We have made loud crashing noises...what the hell is on your TV that's so special?'