Exterminator Humorist Gifts

Dalek Pest Control

Zombie standup

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

"And where have you previously moused?"

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

When cockroaches go unchecked.

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

The world's first exploding cricket box...

'Looks like we're dealing with a mule deer infestation. I can get rid of them, but you'll have to wait until they're in season!'

"Well, you said you wanted something to remove spiders from the bath!"

Flies up the ante!

"Yes, Madame, Teletubbies."

"I got over DDT, and I'll get over you!"

Lab studies suggest that a human growth pill is just around the corner.

What did you think happens to all those vitamins that roll beneath the fridge?

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'

"Yep, it says "pesticide"! Not only are they trying to kill us, they also insult us by calling us pests!"

"Oh, the usual - spreading pestilence and misery. You?"

"This wasn’t a mouse, ma’am — it was a cartoonist."

Pied Piper uses 'Rat Nav'.

Drone Spray

"These door hinges squeak."

Impartial Testing: "Eeny, meeny, money, moe..."

Superintendent

'How long did you try before calling?'

"Well, what a coincidence, Jeff's in vermin control too!"

"Down there, by the coffee room...you've got a bad case of summer intern infestation."