Expressive Eater Gifts

"Without social media how would everyone know that I was vegan?"

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

"Even the waiters here are organic."

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

'I used to think I was the only one kids hated... I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for you guys.'

'Another neat trick is to cut regular spaghetti into little pieces, and next thing you know you've got yourself a bowl of spaghetti-i-s.'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

Sm. Pepperoni & Mushroom Cloud

An experimentalist alarms his guests by describing the appearance of the mushrooms in a dish they have just eaten.

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

"There are no croutons. I use tater tots on my salad."

"I'd go with French Impressionist. It evokes the burnished golds of autumn leaves and the bittersweet regrets of lost love. It's also on special."

Children's Dream Dinners: Superhero Special

Pizza with Extra Extra Cheese.

"Can you just recommend something? Neither of us can possibly focus long enough to read a menu."

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

"Can you recommend a nice red wine that goes well with a broken heart?"

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

Ice Cream Flavors

Access Denied!

"As you can see, my culinary creations are eclectic."

"Eating huge amounts of chocolate sometimes helps."

'Are you ready for dessert?'

'Food has replaced sex in my life. Now I can't even get into my own pants.'

*Not suitable for those with an allergy to consciousness expansion

'I think we should eat out in the hotel tomorrow dear.'

Molecular gastronomy.

Boy who has eaten oysters and grown fat

Endangered Entrees

Cafe Philosophique

"Stop playing with your food and eat your dinner!"

Diners sit in high chairs, wear bibs and eat baby food. Man says: 'I love this place, it's just so retro.'

Saturn Devouring His Feelings

'Can I get you anything else, sir?'

'But who comforts the comfort food? I'll tell you who: NOBODY.'