Expression Of Humor Gifts

"You'll like my mate - he's a scream..!"

Madonna of the Pukes.

"Yes, it's oil-paint: It's difficult to find water for watercolours around here..."

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

"It's a swearbox."

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

"This city is becoming unlivable."

"Only one of us can be 'The Funny One'."

Sea Horse outside saloon

'How now, brown cow?'

"Yes, I know that chocolate comes from the cocoa Bean...but that does NOT count as a vegetable!"

"Hey, Zorro! You forgot your mask."

"We don't have knock-knock jokes on Christmas."

"Of course I love school...but I love no more cafeteria food more."

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

'Hey Dave, check out the kinky underwear this chick is taking on her trip!'

"Tee hee. . . Turner Prize here I come. . .!"

Could I trade in this greyhound for a dachshund? My doctor says I have to slow up.

OLD COMEDY vs. NEW COMEDY

Bear painting himself as a teddy bear.

"Fred, no one is going to bother you here. Put away the Bare Spray."

"The ad was a typo. We're looking for an expert in fingerprinting...not finger painting."

'What do you mean you're a vegetarian?'

'Do you have any skills other than knowing how to keep a tidy desk?'

'Mum, how come we're always the bad guys in bed-time stories?...'

'What I wouldn't give for some good eczema medication!'

"We'll be well into January before that post-holiday smile fades."

'...And a bottle of Bollinger '61 if you please Fred...'

"Incentivize me with a paradigm of mesculin greens and grilled chicken."

"I don't have the heart to tell her."

"The fax machine ate my homework."

"Horse-drawn carriage."

'Are you willing to carry a chip on your shoulder.'

"Happy Hump Day!"

Nickel-and-dimed to death.