Expense Scrutinizer Gifts

Inland Revenue 'Think Disallowable'

'I want to claim for black marker pens.'

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

Nuclear Security Summit

Self-Improvement, Self-Empowerment, Self-Aggrandizement

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

Bookkeeping Club

'The fact that the expenses process is complicated confusing and bureaucratic isn't an Aberration.'

'Hello, Doc Barnes? I just got your bill. You've just bought yourself a cow.'

"About your self employed expenses, do you do anything purely for pleasure?"

"Yes, you paid for the product and the plan, but there's an extra charge for actually using it."

"Unfortunately as the law stands at the moment 13 pints and a curry because you had a crap day isn't tax deductible!"

'How come you're questioning my petrol bill?'

Just remember, don't claim for lunch unless I was with you.

Bar None

"What else can I claim on my expense account?"

The System is a Punishment for a Past Life

"I'm sorry but a fat, guzzling wife cannot be classed as a consumable."

Testing Division - How did my expenses claim stand up?

'I hope you don't mind ordering the free bread and water. My expense account isn't what it used to be.'

'Thank you for you car expense claim . . .why are you wearing bicycle clips?'

'Any other hidden operating expenses you haven't told me about?'

'If people are supposed to live within their means, why are there such things as overdrafts?'

Are we what we eat and what do we actually eat?

I tried to make ends meet but I'm a poor judge of distance. Due now. Bill. Bill. Due. Due now.

"$865 attorney fee, $198 title insurance fee, $150 administration fee, $135 title search fee, and heck, let's add a $200 'at this point the client probably won't notice anyway' fee."

"So tell me, did you install gold, silver or platinum water pipes?"

'One four ounce serving supplies minimum daily requirement of butylated hydroxyanisole...'

Fees office!

Martin Health M.D. - practice limited to six figure diseases.

Sheila Fraser's To-Do List.

"I never sign without reading it first."

"Wait! That's not a decimal point! It's a dead fly!"

'Car expenses? So what's with the bicycle clips?'