Expense Investigator Gifts

"About your self employed expenses, do you do anything purely for pleasure?"

'I want to claim for black marker pens.'

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

'Sorry to trouble you , sir , but did you remember to sign my expenses ?'

Bookkeeping Club

'The fact that the expenses process is complicated confusing and bureaucratic isn't an Aberration.'

"Let's have a moment's silence to remember the profits we used to make."

'Hello, Doc Barnes? I just got your bill. You've just bought yourself a cow.'

"No this is your contract. The other one's your bill

"Unfortunately as the law stands at the moment 13 pints and a curry because you had a crap day isn't tax deductible!"

'How come you're questioning my petrol bill?'

Just remember, don't claim for lunch unless I was with you.

"It's not a coupons. It's a printout from your health insurer warning you to cut back on the carbs."

'I'd like to investigate your tax return.'

Cards. Birthday. I don't know if 50 is the new 40, but apparently $4.95 is the new buck-fifty!

"What else can I claim on my expense account?"

"Will he ever be able to produce revenue again?"

"You promised an advance...but this is more of a tactical withdrawal."

'I hope you don't mind ordering the free bread and water. My expense account isn't what it used to be.'

'Thank you for you car expense claim . . .why are you wearing bicycle clips?'

"I'm sorry but a fat, guzzling wife cannot be classed as a consumable."

Having to pay for health care up front.

'The 22% tax I understand, but who gets the other 78%?'

"Just as we suspected, he's running a dummy company"

'Any other hidden operating expenses you haven't told me about?'

Open wide and say "AH @#." Bill.

'If people are supposed to live within their means, why are there such things as overdrafts?'

I tried to make ends meet but I'm a poor judge of distance. Due now. Bill. Bill. Due. Due now.

'Sit down. I'll like to discuss your expense account.'

'I may not look like much but f**k with me and you're dead!'

The frog I have kissed was an enchanted tax collector. Please help!

"So tell me, did you install gold, silver or platinum water pipes?"

Fees office!

Health Care Transfusion.