Expecting Hero Gifts

"Ironically, this all started with a little poke on Facebook."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

Downloading Pregnancy

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

'I felt it put it's little boot in then!'

'He's more supportive after his nap.'

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

'Yes, technology has come a long way, but the baby won't have a touch screen.'

'With one stroke of his fibre-tipped pen, Cartoonman laid waste to all that was evil...'

"'Routine examination' were the only two words in the doctor's mind when he placed the stethoscope on..."

'Since you conduct only thought experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought results.'

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

Books: Names That Will Make Your Child Hate You!

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

'I don't get it! Not one of these books gives the same advice TWICE!

"So, the inevitable sequel."

Fortune teller predicts a bigger family for worried parents.

'Did you read my email about Timmy falling down the well?'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I'll never watch Alien again!!

"At which trimester will I be able to communicate with my baby via text?"

Susan used her ingenious invention to carry on playing golf during the final stages of her pregnancy!

"So how is being a new mum treating you?"

"Stephen wants to be a fireman, Emily a doctor, and Matthew plans to take a few years off to find himself."

'That's the most extreme linear nigra I've ever seen!!'

'I love my obstetrician! He brings out the kid in me!'

"Hi, Timmy. It's Lassie. She's stuck in the well again."

'OK, who wants to be a hero?'

How humans are born.

"I guess I've got the spirit in me!"

'And she's got the gall to call me chubby.' - Hubert's comment on a pregnancy.

'We're not gonna make it to the hospital! Thank goodness we saw your sign!'

"I recommend an epidural, at least until they're off to school."