Expecting Hero Gifts

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

Downloading Pregnancy

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

'I felt it put it's little boot in then!'

'He's more supportive after his nap.'

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

'Yes, technology has come a long way, but the baby won't have a touch screen.'

"'Routine examination' were the only two words in the doctor's mind when he placed the stethoscope on..."

'Since you conduct only thought experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought results.'

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

Books: Names That Will Make Your Child Hate You!

"So, the inevitable sequel."

'Did you read my email about Timmy falling down the well?'

Fortune teller predicts a bigger family for worried parents.

'I don't get it! Not one of these books gives the same advice TWICE!

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I'll never watch Alien again!!

"At which trimester will I be able to communicate with my baby via text?"

Susan used her ingenious invention to carry on playing golf during the final stages of her pregnancy!

"Hi, Timmy. It's Lassie. She's stuck in the well again."

'I love my obstetrician! He brings out the kid in me!'

"Stephen wants to be a fireman, Emily a doctor, and Matthew plans to take a few years off to find himself."

"So how is being a new mum treating you?"

'That's the most extreme linear nigra I've ever seen!!'

'And she's got the gall to call me chubby.' - Hubert's comment on a pregnancy.

"I guess I've got the spirit in me!"

How humans are born.

"I recommend an epidural, at least until they're off to school."

Hoping for a boy or girl?