Expected Childbirth Gifts

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

'Have you chosen a username for it yet?'

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"They grow up so fast."

Cry babies.

'I told you it would be useful.'

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

Pool attached to child's bed.

Pregnant lady being greeted by foetus.

Man dreams of romance whilst a woman dreams of romance and babies.

TAP TAP TAP TAP

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

"Remember, pregnancy is like taking an exciting thrill ride at an amusement park only the seats are larger."

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

"The amnio's fine, the sex is male, and the name is Wade."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

"Aah! Bless! Look at him on his I-pad!"

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."