Expectant Joker Pillows

"Now they tell me there's a departure tax."

"I'm not surprised you're getting fat, Eve, it's all those apples you've been eating."

"We had our baby through the NHS. It took nine months so maybe we should have gone private."

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

"Walking erect is very trendy now."

Batman's Baby

"A little under done?"

'Trust me, the term 'blissfully pregnant' is an oxymoron.'

Well, she certainly is one of our more positive employees!

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

'Mummy, why did you teach me to walk?'

"It was a botched surgery."

'Those aren't sprinkles! they're FLEAS!!!! 'I made it from scratch.'

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

'Are you sure it's non-drowsy? I cannot afford to oversleep...'

Adult Absence Notes.

'He's allergic to talc! You'll have to give up the baby!'

'He's disappointed with the Queen's card - he wanted a rude one!'

I thought we'd get fake tattoos of each other's names. If we're still together in 10 years, we'll get real ones.'

"Amazing. For the fifth consecutive month the polling shows I'm the most popular foetus here."

"Amanda, did you throw you shoes away again?"

"Little Ethan is quite the handful, but Susan and I have no regrets about stealing him from the maternity ward."

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Break Water'

"I've got 2 WONDERFUL children. 2 out of 5 isn't bad I suppose!"

"Childbirth just isn't keeping pace with modern marketing. We still don't come with a manufacturing warranty.

Grandad and grandson sticking out their tongues.

"I don't know who hid it there but that one's got your name all over it."

A child plots to frighten his father with a fake shark fin.

"Make a bet - in a few years, your little boy will be the class clown."

'Please be quiet while the attempts to locate your head.'

'No, the answer is: d ) All of the above.'

Cricket with a hamster in a plastic ball.

Little schoolboy enjoys picking his nose.

Happy? Tell Your Face.