Expectant Joker Gifts

"Now they tell me there's a departure tax."

"I'm not surprised you're getting fat, Eve, it's all those apples you've been eating."

"We had our baby through the NHS. It took nine months so maybe we should have gone private."

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

"Walking erect is very trendy now."

"A little under done?"

Well, she certainly is one of our more positive employees!

'Trust me, the term 'blissfully pregnant' is an oxymoron.'

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

'Mummy, why did you teach me to walk?'

"It was a botched surgery."

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

'Are you sure it's non-drowsy? I cannot afford to oversleep...'

Adult Absence Notes.

I thought we'd get fake tattoos of each other's names. If we're still together in 10 years, we'll get real ones.'

"Amazing. For the fifth consecutive month the polling shows I'm the most popular foetus here."

"Little Ethan is quite the handful, but Susan and I have no regrets about stealing him from the maternity ward."

"Amanda, did you throw you shoes away again?"

'He's allergic to talc! You'll have to give up the baby!'

'He's disappointed with the Queen's card - he wanted a rude one!'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Break Water'

"I've got 2 WONDERFUL children. 2 out of 5 isn't bad I suppose!"

Grandad and grandson sticking out their tongues.

'No, the answer is: d ) All of the above.'

"Make a bet - in a few years, your little boy will be the class clown."

Cricket with a hamster in a plastic ball.

'Please be quiet while the attempts to locate your head.'

A child plots to frighten his father with a fake shark fin.

"I don't know who hid it there but that one's got your name all over it."

"Childbirth just isn't keeping pace with modern marketing. We still don't come with a manufacturing warranty.

Little schoolboy enjoys picking his nose.

'This wine speaks for itself.' 'Howdy!'

'We already have a helper monkey for that.'

Happy? Tell Your Face.