Exhausted Jesters Gifts

"I hate performance review season."

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

'Oh, just chuck it in a corner somewhere...'

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."

"Any other skills?"

Rodins rotten juggler

"Intern? Oh, no. He wandered in from our day care center."

"You're making a complete ass of yourself, Rodney!"

"Let's see how brave you are without your gun."

Pumping up wig in blender.

'Be careful. The plate is hot!'

Parenting is... watching them sleep.

Jeff hated performance reviews.

Vat Nav

"Sir, Sparky is here for his 3:00 pm throw."

Tercentary of Shakespeare's Birth

'He must be the real Santa... He was the only sober guy at the Xmas party!'

"I'll have my people call your people."

'I ran with them once.'

'How do you like this one?...Inflatable dart board.'

Work/Life Balance.

'What do you think I'm doing? The doctor told me to collect a mid stream urine specimen."

The end of the world is at hand: '10... 9... 8... 7...'

"Even though I wasn't making a big salary, I always saved ten percent of my messages."

Don't be such a poor loser. You knew this would happen when you lost the Flopsies account !

"It's creepy the way they play with their food."

"Every Christmas you make a lot of primises you never keep, why don't you become a politian."

£150,000 Per Annum - Daydreaming again, Foster?

"It's not as easy as it looks."

'What with Obama and all his giveaways, I'm surprised you're still in business.'

'Uh-oh, here comes my wife. Just act natural.'

'What is he fishing for?'

'You don't need to remind them every time that the bubble's going to burst.'

Acme Toupee Co. - Pile of toupees in corner, hawk on perch by open window - chart showing sales up. - The hawk is stealing toupees off people's heads, driving sales up.