Exercise Beginner Gifts

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

'I've decided that I'm going to get more exercise. Could you get my barbells for me?'

Yoga Beginners Class. Breathe and stretch. That's Good. URGH! OOOF! "Yoga pants" should be something you wear and not something that happens because you can't catch your breath!

"Since you're a computer geek, I suggest lifting the box the weights came in."

'Don't you know that less packaging creates more waist?'

Yoga for beginners,

'I tried running once, but I kept spilling my drink.'

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

"The doctor told me I needed to burn some fat, so I'm grilling a steak!"

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

"Gym for regular people" "No intimidating trainers!" "Lo-tech" "Less is more!" "Not plastic" "Fluffy and scented" "No mirrors" "Full service restaurant"

"At least you made it into the hallway."

"Oh, man, I forgot to stretch, ever."

Please seat to be weighted.

'In that case I'll do nothing!'

No wonder kickboxing seems so hard.

Woman stuck doing situps has spider web being built under arm

"Do you have a one day a year membership?"

'I decided it was time to be more active when my wife started dusting me twice a week.'

'I'm no good at push ups.'

"You could do with some weight training."

'That's way too irregular. I recommend regular exercise.'

"This is a selection from my novel about a writers' group that has one real writer and five wanna-be b*****s."

Health Club Shop. DVD. Books. Do you have a simple guide to better abs? "Tummies for Dummies" would be good for you.

"Your fingers are the only part of you that's in shape. Apparently, the only exercise you get is texting."

"Okay, maybe we should count assembling the exercise bike as your first workout."

'I'm here to sign up for a membership since the muscle shirt didn't work.'

I told you to take the stairs instead of elevators. Taking escalators isn't meeting me halfway. (Published originally on March 27, 2009.)

'Welcome to the exercise hotline. To start a very low impact exercise program, press #1250 times.'

"They told me to consult with a doctor before beginning an exercise program."

"Sure doc, I can eat healthy tasteless food and exercise until my lungs implode. Or, you can just inject some drain cleaner into my eyeball and save us both a lot of time and trouble."

"Given the coronavirus, you're all going have to work at home."

'Tom just had his first workout at the gym.'

Karate club.

"I'm really serious about exercising. Last year I only went to the gym twice, once to join and once to renew."