Exclusive Ingredients T-Shirts

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

La Table

Toadstools

Newt sale

"Sir, you're not on the list - we've checked it twice."

"Things are looking up!"

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

"I couldn't have made my family recipe raisin date nut cake with it's secret ingredient without Jimmy's help."

"Herbert, don't! This is a gourmet coffee shop! You order instant de-caf and there's going to be trouble!"

"Bartleson, are we cronies yet?"

Shorn sheep gets Baaaaard!

"...We don't trust any restaurant that has room for us."

"Could I have a skinny, half fat caramel infued Americano with a double shot and froth. . . but without the coffee!"

"Have you got anything that doesn't look like a pressure gauge from the Titanic?"

This club is for members only

I shall now unveil my first great experiment in exploitative capitalism. Oh joy. Institute for Capitalist Exploitation. Beneath this sheet is an extraordinary creation. I give you … The new cafe exclusive VIP premier executive best customer reward card. Available to anyone who pays $9.95 a month for membership. Fine print: Includes no benefits.

My latest invention is genius. It's an affinity card for our best customers. That's not a new idea. Airlines, rental car agencies, hotels … They all have loyalty programs where you can earn discounts and special treatment. Spare me. Ours has a way better name: The Cafe Exclusive VIP Premier Executive Best Customer Reward Program. And we don't trouble customers with confusing discounts and benefits. All hail the VIP premier cheapskate.

Posh store has sign: When Flaunting Is Not Enough.

Dinosaur Extinction, If your name's not down...

"We should never have started offering it potato chips!"

"Do you have a reservation?"

'This new ‘Exotic Foods' diet really works. I've lost 5 pounds running around looking for the ingredients!'

'This wine is made from fermented raisins by convicts in the state penitentiary...'

"It costs how much to join?"

"This is a private club. Are you a Mamba ?"

'Hey! This club is for members only!'

'Order 50,000 gift bags. We're gonna do Beverly Hills!'

"Mr. Lee's Chinese Palace, one of the city's best-kept secrets."

"I'm attempting to transmute calcium oxide, copper gluconate, manganese sulfate, tyrosine and benzaldehyde into condensed soup."

Garrick club. Men's men only.

"Now you tell me I'm the only member?"

"I often mistake a twenty pound note for a membership card."

"Hole In The Wall" (members only.) ? ?

"Your request to join is being reviewed by the group moderator!"

Good news, I can make you a member of our waiting list!