Evolutionary Humorist Pillows

"That's my Son, Denny - He evolved into a doctor."

Evolution of the Cow

'Sure, the thumbs are great -- but how come we don't have opposable toes?'

'Sorry - The position has already been filled."

"We're following Carrot Top."

"Quick, Lassie, go get I.T.!"

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

'Hey, that one looks just like a visible mass of condensed water vapour floating in the atmosphere.'

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'

'I don't give advice. I'm only up here because it's safer.'

'We froze him until medical science knows how to cure spear wounds.'

"Our cloud computing services include IaaS, PaaS, SaaS, NaaS, CaaS...and BaaS!"

'...and this is the water garden...'

SOUTH AFRICAN MUTANTS LAUGHING FIT

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

'I believe there's an unseen hand behind everything we do.'

TECHNICAL SUPPORT, 'Have you tried pounding it with your fist?'

Lab studies suggest that a human growth pill is just around the corner.

Carl Wilhelm Scheele: "There was a great display of ores and minerals...I could not write with a molybdenite pencil."

'My acne is worst on the dark side.'

Impartial Testing: "Eeny, meeny, money, moe..."

The Joshua Tree

"That's a meteor. If it hits the ground its a meteorite."

''Time is an illusion'? - How long did it take you to come up with that?'

"So, tell me what happened after this Schrodinger put you in this box..."

'Catch a pair of chimps and do a complete makeover on them.'

"This is a terrible table!"

"If, indeed, there is a reason for all this, than that's so much worse."

'I've got to wake up extra early tomorrow morning. Any clue how to set this thing?'

"We've concluded that an alarming percentage of the population are experiencing involuntary eye-rolling at the word 'inclusion'."

'We just received a radio signal from Tau-Upsilon that was utter drivel. Do you suppose it was one of their TV shows?'

'STOP! You're injecting the wrong GMO gene!'

If a tree falls on a philosopher in the woods, and no one is there to hear his screams for help, did he really make a sound?

'Oh-oh, they're looking up at me ? I think they're on to us!'