Existential Humorists Pillows

"But if You create them in Your image, how will they tell each other apart?"

"It's so beautiful. Almost makes you forget that at any moment a gamma ray burst could obliterate us all."

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

Atomic Bear: Part 21

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'

'Sorry - The position has already been filled."

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

'I believe there's an unseen hand behind everything we do.'

Welcome to ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? Theatre

Lab studies suggest that a human growth pill is just around the corner.

Franz Kafka does stand-up...

Impartial Testing: "Eeny, meeny, money, moe..."

"So, tell me what happened after this Schrodinger put you in this box..."

"If, indeed, there is a reason for all this, than that's so much worse."

If a tree falls on a philosopher in the woods, and no one is there to hear his screams for help, did he really make a sound?

"I thought the snow would never start"

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

Psychiatry. I know I've lost touch with reality, but in my defense, reality started it.

"I love it when they come with warning labels."

"I'm sorry, Mister Mulligan is dead. . . would you care to wait?"

"I've done a lot of soul searching, and I've come to the conclusion that I should be thinking less about money and more about naked women."

It's good news when an agent says "This is a big break" to an aspiring actor. But not good when said by an orthopedic surgeon holding your x-ray! It's jarring when your business partner says "We're going under while he's looking at the books. But it's very routine when said by a submarine captain speaking to the crew. "You're on fire" is nice to hear when you're playing an excellent round of golf. But not what you want to hear when you're grilling burgers. "A thumb on the scale" often mean

Last Real Tough-Minded Thinking for 200 Miles

'Existential truckstop'

"Do you think he'll bring treats?"

'Death in the 'life' section of library'

Tombstone that says I Have No Life

Reptilian trauma.

'Sorry, but my liability insurance no longer allows me to grant that wish.'

Enter Exit - Circle of Life.

The human race. When did I lose it?

'Sorry -- that's not on our list of approved churches.'

"I think therefore I am on antidepressants."

"Hurry up! - You don't have all day. . ."