Evolutionary Humor Pillows

"I used to be a hunter and gatherer. But since retirement I'm mostly a drinker."

"We're following Carrot Top."

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

'I got tired of wet feet all the time.'

"Of course it's not clean energy -- We don't have clean ANYTHING!"

'Sorry - The position has already been filled."

Warning! Stay off the biotech lawn.

"Don't worry - you've got to expect a few midge bites on holiday..."

'Catch a pair of chimps and do a complete makeover on them.'

"The doctor will see you now."

"Wait, that's not a star. That's just an alien whose phone has its flashlight on."

Now do you believe in global warming?!

World of Cow - Goldfish aren't the only ones to grow into their environments.

'Is the fire included?'

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

Prepare to meet thy recycler.

'I want to be the first person to land on the sun.'

'My student had the hiccups...'

Soup art attack

"If global warming is real, then why are winters so cold?"

'Ha, ha! -- Neanderthals can't jump!'

'You get all the money and both cars? How is THAT fair?'

'I always try to get him to come out and have a drink with me, but noooo...it's always the same excuse about how male mosquitoes don't suck blood. Whatever. I'm over it.'

"What do you get if you insert human DNA into a goat?"

"It's so beautiful. Almost makes you forget that at any moment a gamma ray burst could obliterate us all."

"That's my Son, Denny - He evolved into a doctor."

Evolution of the Cow

"Yeah...he's my brother. I inherited the cool genes!"

"But if You create them in Your image, how will they tell each other apart?"

"Lately, I feel the whispering pines are whispering about me."

STOP GLOBAL WARMING!, 'Let's call it a day before we get frostbite.'