Genetic Humorist Pillows

"Yeah...he's my brother. I inherited the cool genes!"

'...He has your twitching, prawny eyes...'

Sorry son, The laboratory said they were legally bound to give you that birthmark

'There's hope for you yet, Dave. According to this article, they've isolated the 'know it all gene'.'

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"Quick, Lassie, go get I.T.!"

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

Chemist builds animals instead of molecular models

She loves to play with string theory.

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

"It's just one monkey at one typewriter, but we've given him an infinite need for validation."

"Nobody's perfect, but we're working on it."

'OOO, I've thought of a new one! Two squiggles and a backwards G!'

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

PET THEORIES

'Hey, that one looks just like a visible mass of condensed water vapour floating in the atmosphere.'

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

"And now, speaking against the theory of evolution..."

How Glaciations Begin

"See? A huge surge in all the major crowdfunding sites right before the Big Bang!"

"Pssst! - Gerald, you've mutated again. . ."

'Since Fleming already beat you to it with penicillin, I take it we can dispose of your week-old sandwich?'

"And what qualifications do you bring to the table beyond being first in line?"

The new Physics

'There are two types of alchemy - there's organic and there's inorganic.'

"Of course you can't put your finger on it. It's a hypothetical particle."

'Interesting article in Nature this week - apparently love's not a wave, it's a particle.'

Evolution...the wifi rhino.