Everyday Psychologist Gifts

Bloody pedestrians! Get out of the way! Don't you beep at me, arrogant drivers!

"The dryer giveth and the dryer taketh away."

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

"Actually, the district office is getting better results with a fresh garlic bagel."

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"One side is for depression, the other is for anxiety, and if you're still confused make an appointment with the cat."

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

"Go ask your mother ... and I'll tell you why she's wrong."

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

"Siri, are Charlie’s parents to blame for his neurosis?"

"You have arrived at your destination."

Post Game Day Betting.

"Sure I can't pop that in a bag for you, sir?"

"I took the road less travelled just to avoid the potholes."

"I've figured out why my life is boring."

'It's been a rough day, my shirt button fell off, the handle of my brief case came off... I'm too scared to go to the bathroom!'

'I know Jesus spoke in parables. Now for the last time, tell me exactly where you put my car keys.'

"Thanks Mum, but I prefer to use twitter to enlarge the microcosms of daily life."

"I've done nothing Instagrammable for months."

"And how do you feel when your patient does online research and thinks he's an expert?"

How long have you been delusional?

'The Human Comedy needs a laugh track.'

Modern Charm

'I don't know how you stand listening to people's problems all of the time, Doctor Barnes.'

"Don't worry, it's nothing."

"There are several words I could use to describe your condition, but I'm leaning towards whiney."

'You deserve one another, but I don't deserve you!'

"Is this a good time to bring up a car problem?"

The Jerck Manual

A therapist hides behind sandbags as a general talks of war.

Chair massages.

How to injury yourself as an adult

'The way I got it doped out, post-modern man is all context and fragment.'

'Could I have a loan a cup of sugar please?'

"Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks. George changed the toilet roll yesterday!"